why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
