community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
