I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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