Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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