Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Randomize
