I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize