I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
