i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
