I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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