I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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