laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Houston, we have a blender
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
