Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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