i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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