yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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