now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
