Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
