Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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