Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
