Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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