You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
