Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
