this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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