I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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