When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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