He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
