Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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