It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
