so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
