He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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