My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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