I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
