dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
