The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
