I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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