Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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