i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
