if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize