you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
