My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
