nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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