So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
