Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
