i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
