You really coming over, don't trick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
