it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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