Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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