So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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