Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
