and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
