census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
