I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
