Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
