I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
