It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
