and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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