oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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