I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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