3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
God, I missed his penis.
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