TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
