told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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