dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
