When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
