I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
