I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
