so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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