3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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