So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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