What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
