I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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