he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
