I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
