I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In other news, I just burned my penis
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
