i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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