Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
