True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he shaved USA in his pubs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
